Sunday, 1 January 2012

MEMEME: Good morning 2012

So it's a new year and, while I don't generally believe in the whole "new year, new start" malarkey, I am hoping 2012 will bring power and kindness.   I have to admit that I am glad 2011 is behind us - it's been a tough year!!

While I normally talk about mental health and stuff in my other, personal, blog, I thought it was only right that I should summarise the year in this post, and all the other things that have gone on this year.  

I have bipolar disorder, and haven't been properly ill since, ooh, 2007 or so.  However, with health comes complacency, and I stopped looking after myself the way I should.  I moved up to Scotland November 2010, and my partner wasn't very happy up here - we were living in a horrible flat above druggies in a horrible neighbourhood (don't ever make yourself find a flat in 1 week as it will not end well!!), he was in a deadend job, and on top of that he was mega allergic to our new kitties (which we ended up keeping anyway and as long as I keep on top of the vacuuming, he's now totally fine).  It all turned around for him in September - he's now at a college he loves, with great mates, we live in a beautiful new development now, so technically we lived happily ever after.

Anyway, this ended up in me being mega stressed - I now have "atypical localised rosacea" (whatever that means!!) and discoid ezcema - both stress-related skin conditions.  My hair was falling out to the extent it's gone from thick to mega thin now!! And I never made any time to relax, which meant that I got so so stressed constantly.  I was fine at work, but at home I would just cook, clean, clean, clean and go to sleep.  That was my life. So needless to say, my MH started to suffer.  

Summer 2011 brought a few weeks of depression, which I got over and promised myself I would be more mindful and relax more.  I didn't.  In October 2011 I had a horrible mixed affective episode, which basically meant I had racing suicidal thoughts, was constantly agitated yet so depressed I couldn't do anything. It was hell!!! My psychiatrist and the Intensive Home Treatment Team up here got me seeing a Occupational Therapist, who made me realise my work/play/relaxation balance was totally skewed. So I'm working on that.  I also see a psychologist - getting therapy for the first time in my life believe it or not - who's helping me explore the origins of all my issues.  But that's getting too deep now!!

So 2011 was a pretty tough year, but it has made our relationship stronger.  I also got an amazing job offer in Brisbane, Australia which was literally my dream city for years!!! That again put a lot of stress on me, as I didn't want to move Mike yet again (would have been the third time in as many years) especially as he's happy now.  So it was either my dream everything, or my soulmate.  And being the hopeless romantic I am, I chose love :) so I'm staying here, which I'm actually really happy about - and relieved to be honest! It was pretty scary letting go of my dreams, but time for some new ones ey!

So goodbye 2011.  And hai 2012!  My new year 'resolutions' are to take more time out for myself, and relax more.  Be more patient and kinder to myself again.  And try and get my confidence back, cos I feel like a shell of my old self!! I also want to take more pictures, cos I've barely taken any this year!! And blog more :)

Some pictures of the year:

 My MRes graduation! With my sister
 We had a lovely warm summer up here, here's my geegee friend
 Beautiful Scotland
 Me, my sis and my kittens having a lol
 Beautiful Edinburgh
 Me with my BFF
 My disastrous 'ombre' (aka one inch of dark roots and the rest orange thanks to a moron hairdresser!) 
 Beautiful Scotland again - the Pentland Hills
 The Pentlands again
My babies ;)

Happy new year everybody!!! xxxxx


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